F**k Everything Songtext

von Jon Lajoie

Yo. All the rappers claim to not give a fuck.
Well step aside bitches, cause I give the lowest amount of fuck humanly possible.

What?!

(I don't a give a fuck...)
About anything, fuck everyone and fuck everything, what
(I don't give a fuck...)
I literally don't give a fuck about anything

I don't give a fuck about motherfuckin' anything
People care about shit, I say fuck everything
Fuck you, fuck me, fuck the sky, fuck trees, fuck the sun
I don't need heat or Vitamin D!

And fuck toasters, I don't need to cook my bread
And fuck coasters, I use a little plate instead
And fuck roosters, with their useless cockadoodledoo
We invented alarm clocks. We no longer need you

Don't give a fuck about chairs. I prefer to stand
And fuck air conditioners - I got a ceiling fan
And fuck the the movie the fan, starring Wesley Snipes
Demolition man's the only Snipes movie i liked
And fuck liking shit. I don't even like the stuff that I like
Don't give a fuck about not liking all the shit I don't like
Like tissues. Fuck them! I blow my nose on the couch

And fuck my nostrils and my sense of smell, I breathe through my mouth
Don't give a fuck about seeing bitch, fuck my eyes
Fuck visual perception yo, I'd rather be blind
Fuck time, seconds are too short and minutes are a joke
And hours are way too long, they should be half an hour at most
And fuck coasts, who gives a fuck about where water meets land
And fuck boats, just because you float you think you're so fucking bad
And fuck jokes, I don't need to be funny all the time
My dog has a tumor and he's probably gonna die, but...

(I don't a give a fuck...)
About anything, fuck everyone and fuck everything, what
(I don't give a fuck...)
I literally don't give a fuck about anything

Walked into a coffee shop and ordered a cup
The girl says "small, medium, large?"
I say "bitch I don't give a fuck"
She said "I can't process your order if you don't pick a size"
I said "fine, I'll take a large, but I still don't give a fuck, alright?"
Don't give a fuck about beverage size options motherfucker
And I don't give a fuck about liquids either
They're all wet and shit and tend to spill all over the place
Like human semen when I get it all over my face
I'm not gay, I just don't give a fuck about straight sex

And fuck my dick, I'll pee and cum out of my mouth instead.
Fuck biological functions, fuck the human body
I prefer the body of a bat with the head of a coyote
I call myself batyote and I fight crime at night
I know its similar to batman but motherfuck copyright
I plagiarize all the time, I do it everyday
Cause I'm on the right track baby, I was born this way

And fuck birth, entering the world of space & time is a bitch
Searching for purpose in the random universe sucks dick
Is it deterministic or am I free to choose my way
Did I choose to not give a fuck about ice cube trays
If I want ice I'll go to the fucking corner store and buy a bag
Filling you up and waiting for the water to freeze is a motherfucking drag
You know what? Fuck the word fuck, I don't need to use it
I'll replace it with the word chainsaw for this (I don't a give a chainsaw...)
About anything, chainsaw everyone and chainsaw everything, what
(I don't give a chainsaw...)
I literally don't give a chainsaw about anything

If there was a contest to see who doesn't give a fuck the most
I wouldn't win cause I don't give a fuck about winning yo
I don't even give a fuck about not giving a fuck,
So I do give a fuck... wait, what?

(I give a fuck...)
About everything, I love everyone and care about everything
(I give a fuck...)
I literally care about every motherfucking thing