Stanta Songtext

von Chris Moyles

Dear Santa,
I wrote to you but you still ain't calling
Christmas is just around the corner and snow is falling
I sent two letters back in autumn
I guess you haven't got them yet
Unless you did and you just haven't replied you fat lazy git
What's up man? You been out again playing golf?
Anyways what's happening? Say hi to my mate Rudolph
I think he's a crazy raindeer as it goes
With them silly dumb ass ancklers and that crazy red nose

Anyway forget about that man, here's my present list
I hope I get what I want or I'll be well p****d
I want one of them scooters to ride around on,
A Kylie Minogue calendar, and a god damn pokemon
Hey what about them toys from TVs Robot Wars?
That ain't difficult, you get them in all department stores
Anyways I got to go now Santa
Got to go down the gym to stay trim
Write back soon, this is Slim

Chorus

Dear Santa
You still ain't called or wrote
What's going on?
I've been thinking that I've done something wrong
I wrote to you already man, in fact I wrote to you twice
This year I ain't been naughty, in fact I've been real nice
By the way, be careful round this neighbourhood - don't get whacked
I don't want my presents being stolen out of your big sack
I'm gonna leave some mince pies at the bottom of the chimney
Hey Santa you gotta write back...fax me, ring me
My girlfriend thinks I'm strange, I talk about you all the time
I can't wait to meet you Santa when you come round to mine
Don't forget my presents man, I need that picachu
If I don't get it there'll be no turkey for me...I'll be eating reindeer stew
I didn't mean to threaten you man, that's just my way
Hey any chance when you come I could ride your magic sleigh?
Anyway Santa go get my presents ready
I gotta go see my lady
Write back soon, this is Shady

Chorus

Dear Mr "I'm to busy eating mince pies to write to my fans"
You big fat red motherf****7r
I've been sending you letters for 6 months now
Why ain't you been writing back you fat lazy cow?
I hope you choke whilst drinking your eggnog
You silly fat ugly lazy pig dog
Sitting on your fat ass talking to Rudolph and Blitzen
I'm here with no presents man, I'm f*****g bitching
You ain't wrote back man, that crime is heinous
I hope Rudolph's antlers kebeb your tiny p***s
I hope you fall out that sleigh and fall in yellow snow
You come down my chimney I'll tell you where to go
When you get to the bottom don't be expecting mince pies
You'll be talking to my fist right between your f*****g eyes
How ya gonna fly when ya sleigh is on a bridge
You and your stupid reindeer
You bunch of...
I'm cycling in the rain on my 10 speed bike
But when I rock the mike, I rock the mike right
All I wanted was presents but you couldn't stop meddling
Hey shut up elf and keep on peddling
Sorry Santa, that's one of your elves going side saddle
I found him last night so I'm taking him for a paddle
So Santa it seems you're out of luck
You can shove Christmas up your ass you fat f**k

Wooooooooooow...splash
Sincerely yours...this is Stan...

Chorus

Dear Slim
I meant to write to you sooner
But I've been busy - all this flying business makes me quite dizzy
I'm flattered that you talk about me all the time
Your girlfriend shouldn't get upset...it's hardly a crime
Here's a question I'd like to ask if I mable
Have you ever been described as being slightly unstable?
The reason I ask is that you want a Picachu
That toy's for a 5 year old...what the f**k's wrong with you?
As for kidnapping my elf...not a good plan
I'll rip your f*****g head off you crazy mad man
I'm gonna bust you up real bad you dirty little scrote
I'll rip your head off and shove a Pokemon down your throat
You don't deserve any presents coz you're f*****g loopy
You soft pussy girl I'm gonna give you a snoopy
Coz you bust my balls for so long here's what I'll do
On the night of Christmas Eve I'm coming to get you
You see, I may be Santa but I'm rock hard
I could kill a man with just a Christmas card
When you stole my elf you made me sick
I've had elves stolen from me before you thick...
There was this one guy who had an elf on a bike
He drove him into a river late one night
And on the basket on the front there was a letter
But it didn't say who it was to
Come to think about it...it was you.

Damn!

Ho Ho Ho...Merry Christmas!