Lifeboat Songtext

von Steve Taylor

Good morning, class
Good morning, Mrs. Aryan
Today we're going to play a game
Yeah

This game is called lifeboat, all together
Lifeboat
Good, lifeboat is a lesson in values clarification
Can you say values clarification?
No

Values clarification is where your little minds decide
Which lives are worth living and which lives are worth, not living
Now here's how we play

A big ship just sank
There are five people on the lifeboat
But the lifeboat is only made for two

I'll list the five people on the chalkboard
And you, class, will decide
Which three will be thrown overboard, are we ready?
Yes, Mrs. Aryan

Good, first, there's an old, old crippled grandfather
Second, there's a mentally handicapped person in a wheelchair
What's mentally handicapped?
It means they can never be a productive members of society

Third, there's an overweight woman on welfare
With a sniffling, whimpering baby
Is the baby on welfare, too?

Let's not push Mrs. Aryan
Who else is in the boat?
A young, white doctor with blue eyes and perfect teeth and Joan Collins
Now, class, take five minutes to make your decision
Times up, well, class

Throw over grandpa 'cause he's getting pretty old
Throw out the baby or we'll all be catching it's cold
Throw over fatty and we'll see if she can float
Throw out the retard and they won't be rockin' the boat

Very good, that was fun, wasn't it?
Yes, Mrs. Aryan
For our next lesson, we're going to do an experiment
Yeah

We're going to test the law of gravity, just like Galileo
By dropping two objects out the window
One heavy and one light
To test which one hits the sidewalk first

Now what shall we use for the lighter object?
I'm thinking of something small and square
An eraser?
Good, and what shall we use for the heavy object?
I'm thinking of something round and bouncy

Tommy, I haven't given you permission to leave your seat
Class, class the bell has not rung
What are you, class, put me down, class, put me down this instant
What, what are you

Throw over teacher and we'll see if she can bounce
We've learned our lesson, teacher says perfection's what counts
She's getting old and gray and wears an ugly coat
Throw over teacher and we'll play another game of lifeboat

Throw over grandpa 'cause he's getting pretty old
Throw out the baby or we'll all be catching it's cold
Throw over fatty and we'll see if she can float
Throw out the retard and they won't be rockin' the boat, yeah