Doris in the Delhi Lyrics

I've got a crush on the woman
In the delhi
The way she always asks me
How I am
I get this funny sort of feeling
In my belly
Every time I go and ask her
For a pot of Parmesan
I've got twenty seven pots
In my kitchen

It's driving everybody
Round the bend
They say we're sick and tired
Of eating your spaghetti
Why don't you tell her
You're a dyke
And then this romance can end
But I'm obsessed with the way
She makes her pasta
The way she stuffs her ravioli
It makes my heart beat
Faster faster faster
Now I'm dreaming of
A weekend in Napoli
Yesterday I tasted her olives
My eyes nearly popped out with glee
She said ?Hey don't you know my name ? it is Doris?
I said ?No no, you look more like
A Maria to me?
But now I think she's getting
Really quite suspicious
I'll have to return in some disguise
I'm going back to buy some cashews
They're delicious
I can wear lots of make up
And some lipstick on my eyes
(Which I do?and she says?)
?Hey are you going to a party??
I said ?Yes yes, would you like to come along??
She said ?Sure I will bring my Dolcelatte?
I said ?Great I'll bring my guitar
And we can both sing a song?.
I was expecting an Italian sitar
Soon I would be crooning on my knees
I sidled up to her with my guitar
And she sat right down beside me
With a piece of smelly cheese.
She said ?its time we put our cheeses on the table
There's more to this methinks
Than meets the eye
Come with me, gosh goodness
You seem unstable
Come with me I've this suggestion
That I think we ought to try?
She said ?There are a million and one different cheeses
I couldn't taste them all
I would be sick
But if you would oblige, I could pay you
To be my ?Expert Cheese Consultant?
That would really do the trick?
I said ?It's not exactly
What I was expecting
But what the hell
I couldn't ask for more?
And now all these years later
I've been perfecting
The art of choosing cheeses
For the one that I adore
I've eaten Cheddar, Stilton
Danish blue, Emmental and Feta
Mozarella, Edam, Philadelphia
And better
Gorgonzola, Port Salut, Red leicester
And good Brie?but the cheese that Doris loves the best
I do believe is me!