Getting in touch with my inner bitch Songtext

von Christine Lavin

Everybody thinks I'm a nice girl
And that's true ? except for one little hitch:
When I'm not being a nice girl
I'm Getting In Touch With My Inner Bitch

Some people have an inner child, some people hear an inner voice
Some people have inner calm (good for them!)
But me I've got no choice
Some people have an inner cop, some people hear an inner clown
But I've got me an Inner Bitch - and it's hard to keep that Inner Bitch down!

I'll give you an example of My Inner Bitch, here we go:
One day I'm walking around in my neighborhood and a disheveled looking woman
Comes up to me and she's wearing a sign that says, "Please help me out, I am so hungry!"
So I dig deep into my pocket and I give her a quarter and I say, "Here you go, good luck to you."
And she says, "Oh thanks a lot and God bless!" But as I walk away, I say to myself,
I mean My Inner Bitch says to myself, "I don't think she's going to use that quarter to buy food,
I think she's going to use that quarter to buy booze."
And her Inner Bitch looks at me and says, "25 cents, thanks a lot you cheap slut!"
But we look back at each other and we smile, recognizing the subtle communication
Our two Inner Bitches have had and it feels good!

Some people have an inner child, some people hear an inner voice
Some people have inner peace, well me I've got no choice
Some people have an inner cop, some people hear an inner clown
But I've got me an Inner Bitch
And it's hard to keep that Inner Bitch down!

Ok, here's another example:
I'm standing in line at the bank because I have to cash a check.
Finally I'm at the head of the line and one of the two working tellers that day
Decides she needs to take a cigarette break. So she looks at all of us standing in line
And she smiles as she walks outside and lights herself a Virginia Slim.
She's having an Inner Bitch moment.
My Inner Bitch salutes her but I'm mad because I'm still in line.

Finally the other working teller shouts that magic word "Next!" and I slip my
$50 check under the bullet proof Plexiglas barrier she looks at it and asks me
For identification "C'mon," I said, "I've had an account here since 1976,
Just check my name, it's on file." So she goes and checks my signature
And she tells me it doesn't match the one that's on file. I said, "C'mon!
It's only $50, I have to get my dry cleaning" and she says, "Oh? Well,
Maybe the dry cleaner will cash your check, but I won't!" And I realize
I've been witness to two Inner Bitch moments in the same bank on the same day.
What are the odds of that happening?

So I get an idea. I say ?Call the telephone number that's on file?. She does
And she hears a recording of my voice telling the caller try my cell phone.
"Call my cell phone," I tell her, she does and the cell phone clipped to my exercise shorts
Doesn't ring because the bank's walls are too thick.
Instead my voice mail comes on and the bank teller rolls her eyes and says,
"Oh, I'm supposed to be impressed, you have two voice mail accounts
On two different telephones. I don't think so!"

And she slips that $50 check back under the bullet proof, Plexiglas barrier.
She thinks she has won. Her Inner Bitch starts dancing!

But I find the bank manager and I have her dial my number, she listens and then
She marches me right back to the bank teller and commands her to cash that check!
The bank teller's Inner Bitch stops dancing, My Inner Bitch does the mambo.
And the bank manager's Inner Bitch cha-chas out to the sidewalk
And cuts that Virginia Slim cigarette break short! Ha!

Some people have an inner child, some people hear an inner voice
Some people have inner peace, (good for them)
But me I've got no choice
Some people have an inner cop, some people hear an inner clown
Well I've got me an Inner Bitch
And it's hard to keep that Inner Bitch down!

All right you're not convinced? This will convince you:
I'm on hold with the airlines. Sixteen times I've heard how important my phone call is to them.
I'm trying to track down lost luggage... from a flight that was 5 hours late...
Due to mechanical problems....
What? Oh I know what you're thinking... you're thinking this is just one travel cliché
Piled on top of another and you don't want to hear this song...
Well... aren't we the songwriter critic!
You know, I could say something about that outfit you're wearing.
Then you could say something about my hair.
And then I could say something about this criminal element you seem to be dating...
[Lady in the audience: ?We've been married for 21 years!?]
You've been married for 21 years to that criminal element? You poor thing!
Then you could say to me, what happened you're not married. I am married!
And, oh, but I'm telling you, I wouldn't advise you to get into this dialogue with me right now,
Because I'm telling you, my Inner Bitch can kick your Inner Bitch's butt!

Oh, I know there's a lot of nice girls here tonight
But beware 'cuz deep inside
Or just below the surface
An Inner Bitch might hide
And if you provoke her
You had best stand back
Oh, you'll never be the same
Once you've been maimed
In an Inner Bitch attack!

Some people have an inner child
Some people have an inner voice
Some people have inner strength (good for them!)
But me I've got no choice
Some people have an inner queen
Who's wearing an inner crown
But I've got me an Inner Bitch