Not Alone Lyrics

I remember the rosary, the Catechism and the stations of the cross
The plenary indulgence and i know it isn't this
Depression and nightmares and panic through and through
Although i have been successful, there is always more to d.
There are many things i know i have done to help me to survive
But i will never tell anyone as long as i am alive
It seems at times there is no way out, not any to escape
Because of abuse and turmoil and trauma and of rape

I feel eyes upon me every minute of the day
Hiding all around me, i turn my head away
I've seen them in my bedroom when i am exhausted and done
I've been seeing them for years, but i've never told anyone
I am walking into doors and walls 'cause i am not all there
I've split from a reality, of what i didn't want to share
I can tune out conversations and with what the outside world is
Then sex just didn't matter in my relationships

You can't rely on feelings when love and trust is first betrayed
I enter sexual situations, i really didn't even want to make
'Cause i was anxious, i was bored, or any non-sexual need
When abuse is matched with affection or protection it misleads
I say, "Drop what you do and listen, 'cause now it's me that calls the shots."
This is the sign of a life of out of control adults
I sometimes drink to oblivion, in spite of what i know
I sometimes create chaos anywhere i go

Always anxious, always have to move to help me to forget
Feelings of little value or humiliation yet
Because there was no one there for me, i expect people to leave
So, i repeatedly test them and this is what you've done to me
I know they way i've overworked myself has turned out positively
And that many other people don't have my opportunities
But goodness, yeah, you can make it, You are well on your way to heal
Because you already know it, and you already know the deal

You are not alone, this is sadism, and this is not your fault
And who would choose to live through this, so it is not yours at all
And you know this was given to you, so let's put it out of your home
And you know that this is not yours, and you are not alone... you are not alone