Don't Telephone, Don't Telegraph Lyrics

If you wanna spread the news
Theres a lotta ways to use
But the ordinary ways
Are much to slow
There is just one thing to do
Here is my advice to you
Confidentially it's the fastest way i know

Dont telephone, dont telegraph
Tell a woman and the news will get around
Dont telephone, dont telegraph
Tell a woman and she'll really go to town

All my life i didn't think
It was wrong to take a drink
Til one day my gal found out and I was sunk
Seems the woman spread the word
And the next thing that I heard
They were saying I was in the gutter drunk

(call a cop)

Telephone (no, no), Telegraph (never, never)
Tell a woman if you want to advertise
Tell a woman and she'll build it up with lies

Now my gal and I would spark
Every evening after dark
And one night I said please be my honey bee
(buzz, buzz)
Later on I changed my mind
But it didn't work I find
Cause she slapped a breach of promise suit on me

Tell a woman and she'll tear your heart in two
Tell a woman but you're crazy if you do

Saw the cutest blonde one day
Dancin' in a cabaret
And she swung her hips around from a to z
(a, b, c, d, e all night)
It didn't mean a thing
If you haven't got that swing
So she turned around and took a swing at me
Tell a woman and she'll put you in your place

Tell a woman and she'll slap you in the face