Bert's Lament Lyrics

I got this pain that I just can't deal with
How I wish I had somebody to go and eat oatmeal with
Oh gee, I really need a friend to play with me
I'd give him friendship and affection
I'd even let him come and see my paper clip collection
Oh gee, I sure could use a friend to play with me
In line he'd gladly stand
To watch a marching band
Or buy some saddle shoes (laugh)
He'd worship argyle socks, collect them by the box

He'd help me chase these blues
My style would please him, more than a smidgeon
He'd say, "It's really nifty Bert, the way you dance the pigeon"
Oh gee, I gotta find a friend to play with me
Won't somebody hear my plea?
Wanna end this misery
I wish I had a friend to play with me