I embark on an expansion soused
To the party held at Mansion House
I expunge the details of my latest jape
As the cane holds up my great escape
The waiter's clape is filled with jam
Just like my inbox killed with spam
With ketchup, just as mother made
Not? But another grade
Whose credentials never made the silver screen
My dear, you're like a milf in green
Like the Clapham Common grass
Where you parked your ample arse
Beneath your tweed-knit A-line skirt
From which I picked the spaniel dirt
And threw it at a scuttling mouse
Before we changed for Mansion House
As the avenue fills with scrotes and tykes
I drive away sadly on my motorbike
If you wish for a place to park your derriere
I know a delightful little pied-à-terre
Where we can take tea and drvilled kidneys
The proprietor's name is Sidney
He hid me, when I had to flee
From that Hot'n'Tot who gave me VD
At the BBC when my play was declined
I gave them a piece of my mind
To the bar I then resigned
Only to find comfort of a different kind
So to the powder room with trepidation
I failed to live up to my reputation
She sighed and hitched her Nylon tights
As I drove away sadly on my motorbike
(I assure you, that's not how it usually happens)
And so to the party at Mansion House
The waiter served me Famous Grouse
"My good man!" I said as he gave a slow gurn
"Fetch me at once a glass of Coburns!"
This stuff may be fine for the Great Unwashed
Or those who see themselves as posh
I see that something must be fixed here
I yearn for the taste of the sweet elixir
A thick ear's threatened but to my surprise
The refreshment wish is realised
I apologised that I may have ranted
And the sweet sherry is at haste decanted
I resolved to give the chap a tip
Until I'm grabbed by the lapel and hip
And I'm thrust outside to shouts, "A rouse!"
From the party at Mansion House
Writer(s): James Lawrence Burke
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