Hassle: the Dorkening Lyrics

I played Hassle...
I played Hassle...

I played Hassle: The Dorkening once
Had eighteen cards in my hand, all Muds
And I didn't seem to need a Mud card to win.
Hadn't tapped a Mud yet — then the other kid grinned.
See he'd just drawn a batallion of Rolling Explosions
Plus the card that made me frozen.
Those and the roll of a twenty die did it

My last hit point had already got hitted.
My last instant had already got acquitted
Got called twice in a turn dimwitted.
It didn't swell up my ego much.
I played Hassle: The Dorkening once.

I played Hassle.
I played Hassle.
I played Hassle
I played Hassle.

And I'm 'a make my own game up, and you won't know
Which mode of the turn-phase we're in and when to go.
How to lay down cards and at what angle.
I'm 'a have artifacts like Enchanted Kangol
Mic of Spurious Rhyme Busting
Creatures like MC Chris On Robotussin
Or MC Hawking who tramples for ample damage.
Rules will be written in C++ and Spanish.
Hit counters will increment only.
The winner of the hand is the one who's the most lonely
Because everyone quit
Mumbling about futility and shit.

I played Hassle.
I played Hassle.
I played Hassle.
I played Hassle.

I played Hassle: The Dorkening once.
I played Hassle: The Dorkening once.
I played Hassle: The Dorkening once.
I played Hassle: The Dorkening once.

I played Hassle: The Dorkening once.
I played Hassle: The Dorkening once.
I played Hassle: The Dorkening once.
I played Hassle: The Dorkening once...