There once was a man and he couldn't cry
Hadn't cried for years and for years
Napalmed babies, movie love story
For instance could not produce tears
As a child he had cried as all children will
Then at some point his tear ducts ran dry
Grew to be a man, it all hit the man.
Things got bad, but he couldn't cry.
His dog got ran over, his wife up and left him.
And after that he got sacked from his job,
Lost his arm in a war, was laughed at by a whore,
Oh, but still not a sniffle or sob.
Well, his novel was refused, his movie was panned.
His big Broadway show was a flop.
He got sent off to jail. You guessed it, no bail,
Oh, but still not a dribble or drop.
In jail he was beaten, bullied and buggered.
And made to make license plates
Water and bread was all he was fed.
Not once did a tear stain his face.
Doctors were called in, scientists, too.
Theologians were last and practically least.
They all agreed sure enough: this is no crime puff
Oh, but in fact an insensitive beast
He was taken from jail and placed in a place
For the insensitive an the insane
He made a lot of friends and he played a lot of chess
And he cried every time it would rain
Once it rained forty days and it rained forty nights
And he cried and he cried and he cried and he cried
On the forty-first day he passed away
He just dehydrated and died
He went up to heaven, located his dog
After that he rejoined his arm
Below all the critrics, they took it all back
Cancer robbed the whore of ?eir charm
His ex-wife died of stretch marks, his ex-employer went broke
The theologians were finally found out
Right down to the ground the jail house burnt down
The earth suffered perpetual drought
Writer(s): Loudon Wainwright
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