If It Doesn’t Snow on Christmas Songtext

von Joe Pesci

Santa works all day in his workshop
Makin' a lotta games and toys
Then one day he hops in his sleigh
To bring them to the girls and boys

Santa's just as nice as he could be
There's just one ******' thing that worries me.

If it doesn't snow on Christmas
How's fatass gonna use that sleigh?
In case of rain, would there be a train
That'll speed him on his way?

If it doesn't snow this Christmas
How's fatass get around to us?
Say he breaks down on his way to town
Would they let him use a bus?

I sent him a nice long letter
And I hope it's not in vain
I really would feel much better
If the fat **** flew a plane

Now they say he's got eight reindeer
For the sleigh he's drivin' here
But how the ****'s he go
If it doesn't snow on Christmas this year?

Take it, boys.aah, that's so pretty...
Wunnerful, ******' wunnerful...

I sent him a nice long letter
And I hope it's not in vain
I really would feel much better
If the fat **** flew a plane

Now they say he's got eight reindeer
For the sleigh he's drivin' here
But how the ****'s he go
If it doesn't snow on Christmas this year?

(kids from 'Joe's neighborhood' sing the while Joe talks over them)

All right! I got a treat for ya! .

Listen to these kids! Are they great? .

Beautiful, beautiful! .

Are these kids great, or what? .

Ahhh, they're wonderful, wonderful...

(...for the sleigh he's driving here
But how the ****'s he.)
Ah, ah! Watch your mouths, your mothers might be listenin' now. That's very sweet.

Terrific, kids, terrific! You're just great. Everybody come over here! Ya did a great job and I got candy for everybody! (Yay!)

...Alright! Alright! Which one of you little pricks stole all the ******' candy canes? Ahh, nice, nice kids. Where'd ya get 'em, from a ******' jail? ******' reform school brats! Get the **** outta here all ah yez!

(Awww!)

Girl: "It was Stewart! I saw! You took the candy!"

"I didn't do nothin'!"

"Yes, you did!"