Lazy Songtext

von Jim Gaffigan

Cause I am a lazy man, I love doing nothing.
Which is not good, when you're busy. You ever have so much to do you just decide to take a nap?
Maybe some elves will come in here and do this crap.
Think I saw that once in a movie.
I struggle with my laziness, I'm like should I sit down and do nothing, or should I LIE down and do nothing?
You'd think lazy people like me would have been weeded out by natural selection.
Can't imagine someone like me in pioneer times.
I really gotta harvest some crops or my eight kids aren't going to make it through winter.
I'll have other kids.
I gotta get back to staring at the barn!
Maybe go read the Bible for the tenth time.
It's fun doing nothing.
But if you do nothing for too long the most menial task becomes exhausting...
H
(In high voice) I actually have to point the remote control!?!?!?!
What is this, the fifties?
Can't I just look at the TV and it'll know what I wanna watch?
You ever been watching TV for a couple hours and you suddenly lose the remote?
(In stupid sounding voice) I haven't even gotten up!
I don't remember throwing it...
Well, looks like I'm watching this informercial.
We all have the same attitude on infomericials, "
Who's watching this crap!" Then three minutes later. "
That's a good point.
Maybe I need a knife that can cut a penny.
Too bad my phone's on the other side of the room.
I need a remote for my phone!