Took Problem Chimp to Ideal Home Show Songtext

von Half Man Half Biscuit

So banish me to the furnace
I must own though
My actions are in no way born
Out of some sort of Darwinist offensive
I just get a bit fidgety times
Thumbs twiddle in the middle of a funfair
High jinks to break up the so-so
Me thinks we need a little ho ho ho
Go – Earl's Court
A bag of rivets for the goon at the entrance
Straight'ways the floor gets slippery
Eyes glaze, and Bobby's getting jittery
Don't tease him
It don't please him
What's that, you want me to appease him?
How so, Sir? With Tetris?
Not possible – didn't bring the GameBoy

Took Problem Chimp to the Ideal Home Show
Once in a while I need these childish kicks
Took Problem Chimp to the Ideal Home Show
God speed the trial to cite my childish kicks

Wade in the water, wade in the water, children
Wade in the water, wade in the water, children
Wade in the water, wade in the water, children
Wade in the water, wade in the water, children
Brickbats for Sottsass
Bouquets for the chuckling footstool
In the heart of darkness
There are no hassle-free cabinets
Sometimes occasional tables
Mid-air, look kind of dangerous
Llewelyn-Bowen, two Carols
Go on Bobby, both barrels
Three cheers for the infinite leaflets
Ticker-tape got me thinking of Kempes
Funky fabric
Hip hip hooray
There's no stopping him
Rip rip away
Heaven – yes
Distant now
One imagines
After this lot
Still gasp
At his agility
Albeit in the tree of tranquility
Yes it's a mess
I don't deny the crime
But look I've reduced your ironing time
Multifunctional, is that what you call it?
Well here's a thought
Feel free to install it
Your sink may well be superior
But we all stink once we reach the interior
Next week I'm taking him up west
We've not seen Lord of the Dance

Took Problem Chimp to the Ideal Home Show
Once in a while I need these childish kicks
Took Problem Chimp to the Ideal Home Show
God speed the trial to cite my childish kicks

Wade in the water, wade in the water, children
Wade in the water, wade in the water, children
Wade in the water, wade in the water, children
Wade in the water, wade in the water, children
Wade in the water, wade in the water, children
Wade in the water, wade in the water, children