Can I remember how this song and dance began?
Yes I can,
Damn right I can!
It began-
Well, anyway you see
There was this man.
Who stopped and asked me if I knew,
Which way was Lexington Avenue,
He said "I'm goin' to Bloomingdales",
I said "I'm goin' to Bloomingdales",
So we hoofed it over to Bloomingdales.
He wanted to buy some jockey shorts.
Then he said "Miss would you like a cup of tea,
Or maybe some Seven-Up?"
I left the tip, picked up the tab,
For the jockey shorts and the taxi cab.
He dropped me off and I burned, boy let that be a lesson to ya-
Lower the boom girl! Lower the boom!
But what can you do,
When he knocks on your door,
'cos they locked him out of his furnished room?
So, he moves in.
He moves in with his jockey shorts and a paper bag, nothin' else.
He needs toothpaste,
And a toothbrush,
And pajama tops.
He needs razor blades,
A razor,
And a comb - several.
He needs sistering and brothering
And fathering and mothering,
He needs a hat to hang up in my flat and call it home.
In no time at all
I find we're very much in love,
And I'm blushing like a sentimental slob.
And he's kissing me and hugging,
And all the while he's bugging me to
Go out and try to find myself a better paying job.
Comes July,
It's 98 degrees he wants a coat-
Wants a fur-lined coat, fur collar, cuffs, the works!
And while I really didn't begrudge it,
When I figured out my budget
For that coat I had to dance with something like
Eleven-hundred jerks!
Now comes February,
Ten degrees, I need a coat,
Need a coat to walk his poodle- that I bought!
So he gives his old sweatshirt,
A muffler and stretchshirt,
And I give to him -
The bronchial pneumonia that I caught!
Then I give him:
Pocket money,
Poker money,
Smoking money,
Skating money,
Bowling money,
Movie money,
Haircut money, shoeshine money,
Money for a bill from Louis' bar,
Money for a bill from Maxi's bar,
Money for a bill from Charlie's bar!
But will ask he ask for subway money?
Nah, he don't want subway money!
'Cos it turns out-
The bum wants to go to Florida, "Come on down!"
Now hear this and get this,
Oh Susanna Amen!
This big, fat heart
Ain't gonna be torn apart,
Ever,
Ever,
Ever
Again!
Olé!
Writer(s): Dorothy Fields, Cy Coleman
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