I'll tell you a story, that happened to me
One day as I went down to yawl by the sea.
The sun it was warm, and the day it was bright
Says I "a quiet pint wouldn't do me no harm."
I went into the barman, I said "give me a stout"
Says the barman "I'm sorry, all the beer 'tis sold out,
Try whiskey or vodka, ten years in the wood."
Say's I "I'll try cider, I heard that it's good."
Chorus: Oh never, oh never, oh never again...
If I live to a hundred or a hundred and ten.
For I fell to the ground and I could'nt get up
After drinking a pint of that johnny jump up!!
After lowering a third, I headed straight for the yard,
Where I bumped into brophy, the big civic guard.
"come here to me boy, don't you know i'm the law?"
Well I up with me fist and I shattered his jaw!
He fell to the ground with his knees doubled up
But it wasn't I hit him, 'twas the johnny jump up
And the next thing I met down in yawl by the sea,
Was a cripple on cruthes and says he to me:
"I'm afraid of me life, i'll be hit by a car...
Won't you help me across to the railwayman's bar?"
And after three pints of that cider so sweet,
He threw down his crutches, and he danced at his feet!!
Chorus
I went up the lee road, a friend for to see.
They call it the madhouse in Cork by the Lee.
And When I got up there, the truth I do tell,
They had the poor bugger locked up in a cell!!
Says the guard testing him "say these words if you can:
'round the ragged rocks , the ragged rascal ran!"
"tell them i'm not crazy, tell them i'm not mad!
'Twas only six pints of that cider I had."
Now a man died in the union by the name of McNabb
They washed him and placed him outside on a slab
And after the coroner, his measurements did take,
Then his wife took him home, for a bloody fine wake!!
'twas about 12 o'clock, and the beer it was high
The corpse he sat up, and says with a sigh:
"i can't get to heaven, they won't let me up...
'til I bring them a pint of that johnny jump up!!
Chorus
Writer(s): Stephen Wehmeyer, Samantha Hunt, Shep Lonsdale, Stephen Twigger, Patrick Kevin Murphy
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