It sucks to be me Songtext

von Avenue Q

It sucks to be me

(spoken)

KATE MONSTER
Morning, Brian!

BRIAN
Hi, Kate Monster.

KATE MONSTER
How's life?

BRIAN
Disappointing!

KATE MONSTER
What's the matter?

BRIAN
The catering company laid me off.

KATE MONSTER
Oh, I'm sorry!

BRIAN
Me too! I mean, look at me! I'm ten years out of college, and I
Always thought --

KATE MONSTER
What?

BRIAN
No, it sounds stupid.

KATE MONSTER
Aww, come on!

(sung)

BRIAN
When I was little I thought I would be...

KATE MONSTER
What?

BRIAN
A big comedian on late night t.v.
But now I'm thirty-two and as you can see
I'm not.

KATE MONSTER
Nope!

BRIAN
Oh well,
It sucks to be me.

KATE MONSTER
Nooooo.

BRIAN
It sucks to be me.

KATE MONSTER
No!

BRIAN
It sucks to be broke and unemployed
And turning thirty-three.
It sucks to be me.

KATE MONSTER
Oh, you think your life sucks?

BRIAN
I think so.

KATE MONSTER
Your problems aren't so bad!
I'm kinda pretty, and pretty damn smart.

BRIAN
You are.

KATE MONSTER
Thanks!
I like romantic things like music and art.
And as you know I have a gigantic heart.
So why, don't I have a boyfriend?
Fuck! It sucks to be me!

BRIAN
Me too.

KATE MONSTER
It sucks to be me.

BRIAN
It sucks to be me.
It sucks to be Brian...

KATE MONSTER
And Kate...

BRIAN
To not have a job!

KATE MONSTER
To not have a date!

BOTH
It sucks to be me.

(spoken)

BRIAN
Hey, Rod, Nicky, can you settle something for us?
Do you have a second?

ROD
Ah, certainly.

KATE MONSTER
Whose life sucks more? Brian's or mine?

(sung)

NICKY AND ROD
Ours!

ROD
We live together.

NICKY
We're as close as people can get.

ROD
We've been the best of buddies...

NICKY
Ever since the day we met.

ROD
So he knows lots of ways to make me really upset.
Oh, every day is an aggravation.

NICKY
Come on, that's an exaggeration!

ROD
You leave your clothes out.
You put your feet on my chair.

NICKY
Oh yeah? You do such anal things
Like ironing your underwear.

ROD
You make that very small apartment we share
A hell.

NICKY
So do you.
That's why I'm in hell too!

ROD
It sucks to be me!

NICKY
No, it sucks to be me!

KATE MONSTER
It sucks to be me!

BRIAN
It sucks to be me!

ALL
Is there anybody here it doesn't suck to be?
It sucks to be me!

CHRISTMAS EVE
Why you all so happy?

NICKY
Because our lives suck!

CHRISTMAS EVE
Your lives suck?
I hearing you correctly? Ha!
I coming to this country for opportunities.
Tried to work in Korean deli,
But I am Japanese.
But with hard work I earn two Master's Degrees
In social work!
And now I a therapist!
But I have no clients!

(smacking Brian)

And I have an
Unemployed fiance!
And we have lots
Of bills to pay!
It suck to be me!
It suck to be me!
I say it
Sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-
Sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-
Sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-
Suck!
It suck to be me.

(spoken)

PRINCETON
Excuse me?

BRIAN
Hey there.

PRINCETON
Sorry to bother you, but I'm looking for a place to live.

CHRISTMAS EVE
Why you looking all the way out here?

PRINCETON
Well, I started at Avenue A, but so far everything is out
Of my price range. But this neighborhood looks a lot cheaper!
Oh, and look -- a "For Rent" sign!

BRIAN
You need to talk to the superintendent. Let me get him.

PRINCETON
Great, thanks!

BRIAN
Yo, GARY!

GARY COLEMAN
I'm comin'! I'm comin'!

PRINCETON
Oh my God! It's Gary Coleman!

GARY COLEMAN
Yes I am!

(sung)

I'm Gary Coleman
From TV's Diff'rent Strokes
I made a lotta money
That got stolen by my folks!
Now I'm broke and
I'm the butt of everyone's jokes,
But I'm here --
The superintendent!
On Avenue Q --

ALL
It sucks to be you.

KATE MONSTER
You win!

ALL
It sucks to be you.

BRIAN
I feel better now!

GARY COLEMAN
Try having people stopping you to ask you
"What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?"
It gets old.

ALL
It sucks to be you.
On Avenue Q.
(sucks to be me)
On Avenue Q.
(sucks to be you)
On Avenue Q.
(sucks to be us)
But not when
We're together.
We're together
Here on Avenue Q!
We live on Avenue Q!
Our friends do too!
'Til our dreams come true,
We live on Avenue Q!

PRINCETON
This is real life!

ALL
We live on Avenue Q!

NICKY
You're gonna love it.

ALL
We live on Avenue Q!

GARY COLEMAN
Here's your keys!

ALL
Welcome to Avenue Q!